In 2024, I contributed my clinical perspective to a Parents.com article exploring a common but often misunderstood phenomenon: the emotional and behavioral shifts children experience after school. Since then, both my work and my own experience as a parent have reinforced the same truth: many children expend an extraordinary amount of energy managing themselves throughout the school day.
School demands sustained attention, behavioral monitoring, emotional restraint, and constant adjustment to adult expectations. For developing nervous systems, this level of regulation is exhausting. When children return to environments where expectations shift, the tension they’ve been holding often surfaces.
For some children, this release may appear as irritability, withdrawal, tears, or resistance. These behaviors aren’t “bad” or something to punish—they’re signals that a child is tired or emotionally depleted, needing support rather than correction.
It’s also important to recognize, as the article highlighted, that some children face even greater pressures than others. Black students, in particular, are often required to maintain self-control and positive behavior under more scrutiny, and research shows that minor infractions can result in disproportionate disciplinary actions. This added pressure can intensify after-school emotional fatigue.
I’ve found that responding with curiosity, structure, and intentional support can make a meaningful difference. Below are strategies I shared in the article that I continue to use both in my practice and at home.
1. Talk About the Whole Day — Not Just the Hard Parts
I encourage parents to talk with their children about all parts of their day, not only the challenges. In my home, we use a “roses and thorns” approach:
- Roses: the highs, positives, or wins from the day
- Thorns: the frustrating, challenging, or painful moments
This practice keeps conversations about school from being centered only on homework, discipline, or negative experiences, and instead creates space for reflection and connection.
2. Teach Emotional Regulation Skills
Mindfulness-based skills—such as deep breathing and self-soothing—can help children manage their emotions before they escalate into frustration or outbursts. These strategies are teachable to children of all ages when consistently modeled by adults. Rather than expecting children to “just calm down,” these tools provide concrete ways to recognize and respond to their emotions. For parents looking for practical guidance, the Faces of Health app offers everyday strategies and exercises.
3. Look Beyond the Home and School When Additional Support Is Needed
Community-based organizations, such as the Boys & Girls Clubs, can offer children mentors and peers they relate to. While these programs don’t solve every challenge, they provide a safe space for connection and a healthy break from constant academic or behavioral pressure.
Children aren’t designed to operate at full capacity all day without support—and parents aren’t expected to have all the answers or handle every challenge perfectly. Some days are harder than others, and that’s completely normal. After-school emotional shifts are often an invitation for everyone to pause, take a breath, and respond with care. With intentional practices, supportive conversations, and meaningful connections, families can help children decompress, strengthen emotional awareness, and feel understood at home—and parents can also extend the same compassion to themselves.
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Empowerment Through Understanding: Adult ADHD and Autism Modules
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